Author: Patrick A. Roland
Pages: 163 pages
Published: November 7th, 2016 by Az Publishing Services, LLC
Over a year ago, I left a Mariah Carey concert in Las Vegas after six songs. I had gone on the trip as a present to myself for turning forty. But I couldn’t enjoy it. I was high on multiple drugs, but mostly crystal meth, and extremely drunk. I had been this way the majority of the year and a half since my partner Pack had suddenly passed away.
I found him dead on the bathroom floor one January morning while I was getting ready for work. The police told me I had no rights in my own home and asked me to leave. This was before gay marriage became legal. Life as I knew it changed instantly.
His family pretended I didn’t exist. They mauled our home the day he died, leaving it a ravaged mess. I was kicked out of that home. I was also disinvited to his funeral. In eight days I lost everything that mattered. Not even the law protected me from this.
So I got high in an effort to shoulder the pain. It didn’t work. I carried the heavy weight of unresolved complicated grief and addiction on my back. It was like an elephant. A large, unwieldy elephant that wanted me to die.
No longer able to participate in anything that mattered and unwilling to bear this burden anymore, I went back to my hotel room on the twenty-sixth floor of a casino and looked out on the sparkly lights below. I wanted to be in the light. So I opened the window and decided to jump.
But God intervened. My mother had somehow found me. Help came and I surrendered to the powerlessness of my situation. I asked God to help me. I stayed and I fought and I learned how to love myself. I put on a pair of sparkly shoes I had bought for that barely attended concert and I walked into the rooms of Crystal Meth Anonymous. I had bought the sparkly shoes hoping Mariah would see me in the audience. Though she didn’t get the chance, you did. You all embraced me and my sparkly shoes. They have become my calling card of experience, strength, and hope.
This was such a wonderful read and so emotional. I love reading memoirs and this one is such a great one. Just from reading the blurb I knew I really wanted to read the book and now… I’m so happy I did.
The story is about the author who went through so much after his partner died and going through many times of recovery, to try and fight his addictions to drug and alcohol. Everything he went through and trying to fight his mental illness.
In this memoir, you get to learn so much about the author, his family, and his partner Pack. The author did a great job in bringing you closer to his life, to a few wonderful and painful moments of his life. The book is so intimate as if the author just sits there next to you, telling his story over a hot cup of tea or coffee, lol, while you just enjoy a wonderful story and a wonderful piece of history of a strong person who struggled through a lot.
I think everyone should read this beautifully written story, with all that happened to this author, he still managed to write a beautiful and uplifting novel, full of heartbreaks, inspiration, love, and so much hope.
You can find the book over
As always, thank you so much for reading ❤